I never understood why people said their 30s were the best years of their lives until I was in my late 20s. And what no one seems to talk about is that your 20s can kinda suck. It is this weird period where we still text our moms asking how to get a stain out of our favorite T-shirt, while simultaneously learning the intricacies of opening an investment account and diversifying our portfolios that are primarily made up of our graduation money and Christmas bonuses.
We have friends that are married having a pizza party with their 2 kids on Friday night, friends that have never had a relationship longer than a month and are out dancing till the sun rises, friends that have their head in a book studying for their series 7 in order to lock down that dream job of theirs, and friends that are taking a break from all the craziness that comes with being an adult to backpack through Europe. And you know what else no one talks about… no matter which one of those people you are, how many times a day you call your mom, or whether you even have enough money to open a savings account, no one is judging you other than yourself.
I think there is a little piece in all of us that envies something in each of those people, just as those people envy something in you. The carefree friend that never says no to the next adventure, the friend that is making more money than they know what to do with at 27, the friend that has found their soulmate and is so hopelessly in love, or the friend that had the courage to listen to themselves and take that much needed break for a little.
There is no right path or timeline to follow and yet it is impossible not to compare yourself to your friends, your colleagues, or even people you have never met but follow online. I hate to point fingers so instead I will stick my middle finger straight up to social media and the breeding ground it creates for comparison. We are no stranger to the fact that Instagram and TikTok are highlight reels of our lives, and yet we are not able to see that Silly Suzy and Macho Mike are fighting their own battles behind their screens. Now I’m not saying delete Instagram, or to start posting about your struggles, that’s not the point. The point is to realize that what you see on social media is what people have chosen to show you and that means the good, not the bad and the ugly. I will save this rant for another time and go back to complexities of being in our 20s.
This is a time developmentally where a key player in our ability to reason, control our impulses and make good decision isn’t even fully developed yet. Our prefrontal cortex reaches maturation in our mid to late 20s and yet we are tasked with skills like planning, prioritizing, and problem solving at a level we have never experienced before. So please, if you take anything away from this – be easier on yourself and give that person in the mirror a little extra credit for how far you have come, and don’t forget to celebrate the little wins along the way.
Now what would be the point of this rant without providing some insight and a glimmer of hope into how we can make our 20s a little less suckish and filled with a little more self-love:
Comparison is your worst enemy
Presence is your best friend
Turn jealousy into motivation
Patience will get you farther in the long run
Confidence is hottest thing you can wear
You’re not behind, you’re on your own path