I have been there!!!
My first experience with therapy was very short lived. Let’s call her Mary. Mary had all the clinical training and extensive years of experience, but we just didn’t click. I didn’t look forward to our time together and I felt like I never left with anything gained. After a few sessions I just stopped going because I honestly didn’t see the point. Not only did this keep me away from therapy for a few years, it also made me question my own passion of becoming a therapist myself. A few years later something happened, and I began my search for a therapist once again! And this time… we just clicked!! After our first session together, I was already excited for our next. She just got me, understood what I was looking to get out of our work together and really became that cool non-bias, aunt-like figure to me that I was looking for. Years later, and I still look forward to our sessions and have taken more out of our work together than I ever could have imaged. She reminded me of the power of therapy, why I wanted to be a therapist myself, and that not every therapist is for everyone and that is okay!
Finding a therapist is like finding a boyfriend/girlfriend. You are not going to love every person you go on a date with, and you sure as hell won’t feel comfortable spilling your life to them if you don’t feel a connection. I am here to tell you from personal and professional experience, you need to treat finding a therapist like finding a significant other. You are not going to like every therapist you talk to, just like you don’t like every person you go on a date with. After one bad date we don’t write off dating all together and we shouldn’t write off therapy either! Therapy is one of, if not, the most emotionally intimate things we can experience and because of this, we need to find someone we feel a connection with and can trust. And I promise you, once you do, it will be so worth it!
So how do you choose a therapist that is right for you?
1. Ask yourself what you are looking to get out of therapy? A place to feel supported and vent? A more goal-oriented, direct approach? Some therapists work as more of a sounding board, while others may have a more challenging and assertive approach. Neither is right or wrong, but knowing what you are looking for could save you a few bad dates!
2. Do you like a certain modality? CBT, DBT, Narrative, Psychoanalytical? And maybe you aren’t sure what any of this even means but just know there are SO many different styles out there so talk to your therapist about your desires and make sure they understand your needs so they can best support you.
3. Trust your instincts! It may take a few sessions to feel comfortable, but if it doesn’t feel right for you, you are not committed to anything and can always look for a therapist that may be a better fit. You need to find someone that you feel can support you in the way you desire.