Working as a psychotherapist in the heart of Manhattan, my view of what it means to “find a sense of purpose” has drastically shifted. Whether it be the highly successful professional that feels something is missing in his life, or the millennial trying to find her groove as she faces life transition after life transition, my message and work with these clients remains the same. We are all chasing our tails to discover what our purpose in life is, in hopes of feeling fulfilled. But what if we stop looking so hard and start appreciating what is in front of us? We are often surprised to realize we may have already found our purpose, or at least one of them! Is it possible that we may have many purposes to satisfy?
I was recently at a networking event with a friend who told me he had an awakening. He described his recent graduation and how he landed his “dream job” and yet something in him kept taunting him to do more, and question if what he was doing was enough. Through his own personal work in therapy, he came to see that he was exactly where he wanted to be and was damn good at what he was doing. He realized that he had been so fixated on always moving forward and on to something “more” that he lost sight of what was right in front of him. He had already gotten to where he was trying to go and was helping countless individuals each day in his work. He had found his purpose in this stage of his life and yet he couldn’t see it on his own. His story really stuck with me and weeks later I find myself still thinking about it. We live in a world where we are always striving for more that we often forget to pause and see how far we have already come.
I want to give another example of how finding our purpose can manifest in many ways and can be missed if we don’t stop to appreciate what brings us joy along the way. My mother always told me she used to envy the kids in school who knew they wanted to be a dentist or a carpenter or a teacher because she had no idea what she wanted to be when she “grew up”. Job after job, she felt no sense of purpose until she became a mom. Her natural ability to love and nurture my sister and I, and the joy that being a mother brought her, filled that sense of purpose that she so longed for.
Your purpose may be right in front of you if you look around and stop comparing yourself to everyone else. It doesn’t have to be so complicated; you don’t have to solve world hunger or be the CEO of a fortune 500 company. You can be the greatest mom to your children, the most loyal friend, or the most charismatic manager to your subordinates. What fills your bucket may not fill your neighbors but that’s why we each have our own.
Examples like these continue to lead my practice with clients in recognizing that we so often burn ourselves out in an exhausting quest to find our purpose in life when it may be right in front of us. What if we focus our energy on nurturing realistic opportunities in life instead of drowning in the fight for some worshipful purpose that is beyond our reach. In psychological terms, the John Templeton Foundation defined a sense of purpose as an intention to accomplish something that is personally meaningful while also having a positive impact on the world beyond the self. I challenge you to think about your goals in life, the ones that stretch beyond yourself alone and ask yourself what you are proud of? What have you accomplished? What are you working to achieve? What if what you are doing and where you are now is enough? When we choose to live for the betterment of not only ourselves but also for those around us, we inevitably feel a sense of meaning and fulfillment. Celebrate the little things along the way because life is short, and you have the power to feel proud of yourself each day and relish in that sense of purpose we all long for.